Resilience

I recently watched a TedTalk by Lucy Hone, a resilience researcher. She shared the three strategies she thinks are needed to be resilient. “..to brave adversity, overcome struggle and face whatever may come head-on with fortitude and grace.”
To summarize: 

1. Resilient people get that, “shit happens.” They understand that in life, bad things happen to everyone and we are not being picked on or singled out when something bad happens to us. 
2. Resilient people are really good at carefully choosing where they focus their attention. They do not diminish the negative, but have also figured out a way to focus on the good of a situation.
3. Resilient people ask themselves, “is what I am doing helping or harming me?”. 

How these three traits show up in my life: 
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1. We are not being picked on when bad things happen to us. 
At first, I definitely felt like I was getting picked on when I was constantly hearing, “Oh he can't do that because he has a TBI..” It is not that I was being picked on, the reality is I have neurological damage to the brain. This is not my fault, but it is also not my neighbor’s fault. It is no one's fault. Like the saying, “you just got a bad hand.” It doesn’t help you to have the “poor me” attitude. It is actually really unhealthy to go through life this way because then, we go through life with no resolve or enhancements. Dwelling on my TBI will not help me in the long run. 

2. Looking for the “good” in a situation. 
In my situation, I am not in the ideal location, but I have learned to accept through God’s teachings. I have never thought about my resilience as a resolve to my problem. My resilience is my ability to not give up. I am always going further and doing more than the next person. By practicing what I preach, what I write about, I am able to redirect myself to the good aspects in my life. 

3. I ask myself, “Is what I'm doing helping me or harming me?” 
For example, when I am cooking and I need a knife, I have to wait and get someone to help me. If I get angry it does not help me. It just goes back to the saying to be patient. In life there are always things you have to wait for. My situation might be different than other people but we can all relate to feeling frustrated when we have to wait for something that we want. 

Summary about the power of these three things as traits to being resilient. 

• Life can be unfair, but it is all about the way you react to it. 
• Seeing all the things you don't have definitely sucks but you have to look for what can be. 
• Being frustrated is normal, but it will not help. Do not let your bucket fill over with what could have been. 

Face the reality of your life, seek optimism, and listen to yourself.